Editor’s Note: This reflection piece captures insights from the recent 2-Day Live Consultation and Lecture with Professor Andolfi, held in Malaysia on 28–29 April 2025. The author shares personal and professional observations from the event, offering a thoughtful lens in today’s complex world.
The space came alive with eager learners buzzing in the auditorium and at the corridors of the hall before the event - 220 people of different races, ages, and professional experiences, peering over different titles. Will it be “The Gift of Truth”, “Inter-generational Couples Therapy”, or “Teen Voices” that will offer insight into the ways of family therapy? I was shocked and amazed by how the crowd had quadrupled since my first family therapy symposium, nearly a decade ago.
And yet it is timely. Family institution had changed tremendously especially after the Covid-19 pandemic which unleashed unprecedented situations that posed numerous challenges to families. Suddenly, enforced lock-downs forced families to undergo drastic changes such as inter-generational living , “traditional” roles like care-giving and parenting became more blurred and instead of the usual rush hour commute, parents had to juggle working from home amidst family duties. Alongside these structural changes, the world for the young transformed too - impressionable children having far more access to information and people from different corners of the world had become the norm and terms ‘neurodivergent’ dominates discussions on kids today.
When terms like ‘toxic’ and ‘narcissist’ or serious mental health diagnoses like ADHD or Bipolar are very casually thrown around — where does that leave families? When exposure to different ‘norms’ challenge traditions and culture, where does that leave communities? It seems like the more we are exposed, the more polarized we become, and the more connected we are (virtually), the more isolated we feel. I feel it is this unease that has brought mental health professionals, social workers, lawyers, and advocates together in this space.
Though complicated as the world today seems, the message over the two-day event is clear: the value of family is what brings people together, professionals included, and it is through relationships that we can heal.
The first day of the symposium focused on children in family therapy. Professor Andolfi’s unique ‘bottom-up’ approach of giving children a voice in family therapy seems apt to today’s concerns. After all, it is in their virtual realm that children have learned they are free to speak, and through video games that they have found a sense of competence. And if we can only learn to listen and to tap into their competence, Professor explains that children are an important resource to understanding a family’s functioning. They are a reflection of their environment, and what is problematic is how we (even as mental health professionals) put all the pressure on them to become better or to be ‘treated’, without considering their environment.
Professor offers insights into how the presenting issues of a child is merely a projection of what is happening in their environment and how it is never only the individual child that is seated in front of us, it is also their family of origin, their history, and their culture. He also highlights that professionals can sometimes be too quick to label symptoms as ‘illness’. Instead, a curiosity about the meanings behind the symptoms, including anger and hallucinations (imaginary friends) can offer so much more perspective. When we can think outside the box, beyond labels like ADHD, MDD, ODD and the like, we are free to become more creative and to explore. Sometimes a child’s anger is manifested from the unspoken pain and grief of his parents and sometimes a child’s imaginary friends are their only protectors against loneliness.
It is apparent that a child’s presenting problems can bring a lot of pressure to parents, and indeed it is a heavy weight to bear. Professor leans into the ideology that ‘it takes a village’ and encourages us to become good at looking for resources in extended family and in the community. After all, a child’s environment is also made up of their friendships, friendships of their parents, their school, neighbourhood and community groups. We often overlook how much these can be valuable places to look for support. Children, particularly adolescents are adept at scouring the Internet for people who can understand them to fulfill their inherent drive for connection — so what is a stumbling block for us? For parents, the modern day problems of child rearing are made more complex and overwhelming for this very reason - the lack of connection which leaves them in isolation & deepening the stigma of seeking support. Yet, these are problems that can be solved when a family is strong enough to fight for one another and to seek support (including professional support) when it is needed.
The topic of children transitioned meaningfully into the second day’s focus: multigenerational couple therapy. What happens when two people bring their families of origin together? (I am tempted to say “disaster!” — i joke). My peers who are curious about family therapy have asked me whether this work involves dealing with the past, and questioned how much we can do when the past has already happened. But the stories that are presented in the therapy room are often very much alive in the present, even when we speak about those that have already passed on. A symbolic presence can offer wisdom as well as a step towards healing.
This is evident in couples who have not yet successfully ‘differentiated’ from their family of origin - they are yet to untangle themselves from the contagious anxieties, pains, and patterns of interactions that they faced with their own families. So the task of the family therapist is not to bring ghosts back to life nor to change the past, but rather to help the couple find clarity about how they have come to be and to then make meaningful change by learning to do something differently. This process often involves going ‘upstairs’ to seek wisdom from the previous generation (parents, grandparents) or even ‘downstairs’ to the children who can shed light to the interactive patterns of the couple as children can be very perceptive and unlikely to be anxious to protect each other’s feelings, will often tell it as they see it.
So when therapy speak has people ‘drawing boundaries’ to protect themselves from emotional pain and suffering, Professor emphasizes the importance of bringing the afflicted and the afflicter together in the room (whether present physically or as a ‘ghost’ in an empty chair or a circle in a genogram), to be curious about pain and to get our hands dirty.
As therapists, it is important that we persist in asking ourselves “what is my role?”. If we only empower individuals without considering the impact to their families, are we really being helpful? And if we zoom out to look at the raising numbers of divorce and separation in couples in Malaysia, is it any wonder why our children suffer? Dr. Nicole Chen (president of MyMFT) made a very powerful invitation during her speech — to create a new wave of therapeutic approach — one that aims to strengthen families, that considers systems, and that unites rather than divides. It is my hope that we, whether mental health professionals, or lawyers, social workers, and parents welcome this invitation with curiosity and with a sense of union. We can do this, together.
The 2-Day Live Consultation and Lecture with Professor Andolfi was held on 28–29 April 2025 at Hospital Sultan Abdul Aziz Shah, Malaysia. The event gathered over 200 participants, including attendees from Indonesia, China, and Singapore. For updates on future events, please visit our events website and follow us on social media (Facebook / Instagram).
This article is a personal reflection by Clinical Psychologist Sarah Zehan. Sarah is an experienced clinical psychologist and is a practicing therapist under Andolfi Family Therapy Centre. Sarah provides assessments and psychotherapy for individuals who are going through mental health related difficulties like depression, anxiety, and stress. She also works with individuals who are going through relationship and attachment-related issues. In working with children and adolescents, Sarah provides assessments for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder.
